The Sideshow

The Boy Without a Body

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:43:00 -0600

In response to bananza’s “heartwarming” story. This is another classic.

Dear Kind Stranger:

I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t.

She is crying. Don’t cry, Mommy!

Mommy is always sad, but she says it’s not my fault. I asked her if it was God’s fault, but she didn’t answer, and only started crying harder, so I don’t ask her that anymore.

The reason she is so sad is that I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.

Mommy doesn’t work because she said employers don’t hire crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy,” and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she’s allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels.

Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don’t want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don’t forward this e-mail, that’s OK. Mommy says you’re a mean heartless s***head who doesn’t care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don’t stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death so you can burn forever in h*ll. What kind of godd***ed person are you that you can’t take five f***ing minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it’s hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.

Thank You.
Billy ‘Smiles’ Evans,
The boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.

listening to "Megadeth - Foreclosure of a Dream (2004 Digital Remaster)"

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:00:45 -0500

listening to "Megadeth - Foreclosure of a Dream (2004 Digital Remaster)":

Filling your need for 90s Rock/Metal

listening to "Alice In Chains - Check My Brain (High Quality!)"

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 21:31:12 -0500

listening to "Alice In Chains - Check My Brain (High Quality!)":

Loving this new Alice in Chains. Crunchy!

listening to "Dream Theater - A Nightmare To Remember"

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 10:34:17 -0500

listening to "Dream Theater - A Nightmare To Remember":

“Hopelessly drifting. Bathing in beautiful agony. I am endlessly falling. Lost in this wonderful misery.”

robot-heart: indieandyy: To Do: Find Carmen Sandiego...

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 22:18:38 -0500

robot-heart:

indieandyy:

To Do:

Find Carmen Sandiego ✔

(via ardenashley)

But no one says where she was. Now we have to start over again.

Handy Home Remedies (from the Internet, so you know they work)

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:01:47 -0500

joeschmitt:

kathyunderscorel:

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you’ll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Do you have any remedies you’d like to share?

Don’t forget

8. Keep a snake in the house so you have something to scare your wife with when she gets hiccups. Works every time.

So true.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 10:28:58 -0500

So true.

OH NO! I’m glad he told me. Rock Music is the devil!

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:35:00 -0500

OH NO! I’m glad he told me. Rock Music is the devil!

I LOVE [BAND NAME]

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:00:43 -0500

Though, I’m not a huge Slipknot fan, this is a great writeup. It could cover almost any metal band that you’re a fan of. I’ve never been sure why some people can’t just like what they like and let you like what you like. Just because I don’t listen to a band doesn’t mean they suck and my favorite band is the best in the world. I enjoy what I enjoy. Respect that and I will respect your tastes. Can’t we all just get along?

Amen.

stick-stones-techno:

90% of the people posting on this site are fucking stupid. Half of you are narrow minded haters who don’t see the band for who they are and the other half are just pussy little fanboys who think Slipknot is the ONLY metal band in existance. The rest are normal people who love music altogether and respect all forms of metal wether it be death, black, nu or heavy.

I’ve got news for the 90% of the fools in here. To the haters: You’re no different from rappers and RnBers (whatever the fuck theyre called) who bash Slipknot for their music. You’re basically posers. Just because you listen to bands that aren’t ‘mainstream’ doesn’t mean they’re the best bands on the fucking planet. It was never Slipknot’s intention to become famous and/or rich. People enjoyed their music and assisted them in their progress. Corey Taylor (vocalist) stated in an interview ‘You don’t sell out concerts, meet millions of fans and go platinum if your music sucks. Period.” Therefore SLIPKNOT DOES NOT SUCK! And you can’t say they are mainstream…think of it this way…how often do you hear a Slipknot song played on the radio? How often do you see a Slipknot clip being played on the Top 40 charts? Well? What’s your answer haters? Go fuck yourself and your underground bullshit. Just because a band is famous doesn’t mean they are shit. Imagine your precious underground bands become as famous as Slipknot..will you still like them? From your rants I’m guessing NO.

For the fanboys: Its good that you like Slipknot but for God’s sake…don’t EVER say they’re ‘real’ metal or ‘Slipknot is real metal. Every other band in existance is shit’. Open your ears and listen to the metal of the fucking world. You have to understand that Slipknot was influenced by bands such as KISS, Metallica, Black Sabbath and yes…even KORN!!! Joey Jordinson wouldn’t even be drumming right now if it wasn’t for Korn’s influence so SHUT THE FUCK UP AND ENJOY ALL METAL!!! It’s the message in the songs fuckers. If you can relate to the lyrics and the intensity of the music then you have nothing to bitch about.

To the rest of people like me who are normal and love all metal and Slipknot…stay (SIC) fuckers. (Thats a compliment btw) Slipknot are fucking amazing. I respect them for their intensity, intimacy with the fans and love for music. No one has the right to say they are crap for they really are a band to admire and respect for their achievements.

LOVE,

MELLY-PIE (L)

culby: mastodonstorm:mutations:magnetical:(via killingbambi //...

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:50:11 -0500

culby:

mastodonstorm:mutations:magnetical:(via killingbambi // feathers // annarellix // butterflyeffects // mabelmoments

bananza: mufti: Am I the only one that started laughing so...

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:49:32 -0500

bananza:

mufti:

Am I the only one that started laughing so hard she was crying?? I literally had to stop after every square before I embarrassed myself. I am surrounded by cubicles after all.

via until

BWAHAHAHAAHAa!

culby: passthemike: rillawafers: phazerblast:stalk:bowlsby:l...

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:17:51 -0500

culby:

passthemike:

rillawafers:

phazerblast:stalk:bowlsby:loafersansocks:

High school detention.

That’s-what-she-said edition.

That’s What She Said - the only joke that will NEVER GET OLD.

The note really butchers the delivery.

karldawson: IE6 denial message for Momentile.com (via John...

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:05:15 -0500

karldawson:

IE6 denial message for Momentile.com (via John Martz)

sarandipity79: If this doesn’t make you smile….you pretty much...

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:02:46 -0500

sarandipity79:

If this doesn’t make you smile….you pretty much suck.

Coooochie coooochie cooooo!! I so gotta get me one of these deer-like things.

marco: Dizzy Thinks: I stole your images, put them back or I...

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 11:34:38 -0500

marco:

Dizzy Thinks: I stole your images, put them back or I will call a lawyer? (via David Chartier)

Reblog with the first Cd you ever owned.

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 09:45:21 -0500

culby:

daleena:

upshotmatt:

pertoleum:

upshotmatt:

yourfavoriteredhead:

prettyaspoison:

My brother gave me Offspring Americana and 311 Soundsystem for x mas when I was little, first cds I ever owned.

Green Day - Dookie. 4th grade.

and then I discovered the magic that was Sgt. Pepper’s

check this out: i bought the hanson cd and rage against the machine - evil empire

guess which one i still have

obviously hanson

that shits timeless

like bread

my first was Stankonia by Outkast

yeah, i was a crazy 7 year old

lol…timeless like bread.

Offspring- Smash (no matter how many times i have heard this cd i can always listen to it the whole way through)

Green Day - Dookie. 7th grade, and I didn’t even own a CD player.

(And you’re right, Daleena, Smash is a phenomenal album.)

Slaughter - Stick It To Ya (got it free with my CD player)

Alice and Kev

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:48:55 -0500

Alice and Kev:

Sad, clever, and hilarious.

This is an experiment in playing a homeless family in The Sims 3. I created two Sims, moved them in to a place made to look like an abandoned park, removed all of their remaining money, and then attempted to help them survive without taking any job promotions or easy cash routes. It’s based on the old ‘poverty challenge’ idea from The Sims 2, but it turned out to be a lot more interesting with The Sims 3’s living neighborhood features.

Boats ‘N Hoes

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:47:00 -0500

Boats ‘N Hoes

culby: THAT DISCIPLE’S A SPY! (This guy found it on the TF2...

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 10:30:33 -0500

culby:

THAT DISCIPLE’S A SPY!
_{(This guy found it on the TF2 forums, wish I could credit the original creator.)}

esquareda: davidkaneda: The Big Lebowski Last Supper — “It...

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:25:03 -0500

esquareda:

davidkaneda:

The Big Lebowski Last Supper — “It will really tie the room together”

The Big Lebowski characters from left to right: Nihilist #1, Nihilist #2, Nihilist #3, the Stranger, Jackie Treehorn, Maude, The Dude, Donny, Walter Sobchak, The Jesus, Bunny, Brandt, Jeffrey Lebowski.

Available in several prints/sizes.