The Sideshow

joeschmitt:

kathyunderscorel:

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.  Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you’ll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape.  If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40.  If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Do you have any remedies you’d like to share?

Don’t forget

8. Keep a snake in the house so you have something to scare your wife with when she gets hiccups. Works every time.